Handing out tickets like crazy and taming beasts

The name's Jack. I'm the Sheriff of Lakewood, and a 100% ordinary human. Lately, a bunch of absolute nutjobs just moved into my town. We’ve got an 800-year-old Original Vampire who hauls a backpack around every day, playing the brooding, innocent high school boy. He actually had the nerve to unironically declare: "I would burn this town to the ground for true love!" Then there's the Alpha werewolf from the local reservation, who insists on running around shirtless in the rain, howling about love. They’re turning my town upside down, all to fight over some completely average, plain-Jane human girl. I just deadpan pull out my ticket pad and hand over the citations: "Destruction of public property, violating the leash law, and public defecation. That’ll be a $5,000 fine."