My Curse Is My Blessing

Elena, an elven prophet whose every prophecy backfires, is imprisoned until her foretelling that her people will “lose badly” makes the Shadow Army retreat, prompting the elders to free her when she predicts she’ll remain jailed; she then opens a Reverse Prophecy Agency, charging nobles a thousand gold to hear “terrible luck” so they win lotteries, and when the disguised king pays for “the kingdom will fall,” she says “prosper for a thousand years”—sparking a rebellion, which she stops for another ten thousand coins by declaring “the rebels will win,” causing them to self-destruct; her fame draws a dark witch, whom she neutralizes with “you’ll kill me,” turning the witch into a frog for a paid exhibition; later, she saves a cursed prince, answers his proposal with “I’ll marry you,” and when a dragon kidnaps him on their wedding day, she sighs, “the dragon will eat you,” resulting in the prince returning atop the dragon as her mount, whereupon she announces that her agency now takes dragon clients at double rates.